Dear Pollen
Look, I know you have a specific purpose to go forth and procreate plant life. I get that. What I don’t appreciate, though, is that you are wreaking havoc on my sinuses and pretty much making everyone I know miserable. I really think you’re overdoing it being so showy and covering everything. I mean, honestly, do you really think you’re going to get anywhere with my car? We both know that was completely unnecessary.
You know what, I’m tired of being nice. Please die and find some other means to procreate. I don’t even care if I never get to taste honey again. My nasal passages have swollen shut because CVS’s generic brand of Zyrtec-D is an epic failure in combating hay fever.
Oh, and tell your friends the dust mites to bite me, but not literally. Or at least tell them to stop defecating on my pillow (see, Wikipedia, “Asthma,” where it says that “the microscopic house dust mite feces that surround a pillow when your head hits it or you turn over in bed” cause allergies and asthma).
Sincerely,
Sneezy McGee (AKA Lady J; my “little” sister)
