Faith… By Request
Faith is the confident belief in the truth of or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing, that is characteristically held without proof.
I was talking with a client today and he requested another blog entry. I’ve been moving from event to event so much lately that I haven’t dedicated time to my writing. I also noticed that the busier I got doing footwork to find a job in teaching, manage my finances during an economic crisis, and working to maintain a happy home for my girls and me, I’ve forgotten to worry about what might happen in the future. What a relief.
Then, it hit me. I’ve been practicing my faith. But what is it that I believe in?
I have friends who have been incredibly supportive and sent me cards, e-mails, texts, and verbally affirmed that I’m worthy of happiness and success. Initially, their words fell like a thud before me as I was still reeling from a failed marriage, a rough year of teaching, and two lay-offs in as many years. How could they be right? I’m divorced, single, unemployed, and barely managing to keep my head above water.
But, although I didn’t in myself, I was willing to believe them. In my chosen religion, there are a lot of things we strive to believe in yet I struggle to really, really believe it. In those times I act as if I believe and I practice, to the best of my ability, the faith of my childhood. It’s comforting to sit in a room full of people all believing (or trying to believe) in the same idea.
And, so, as my friends supported me with kind words and actions, I tried to believe that what they were saying was true. What if I really am a child of God and a person of worth? What if everything really is going to be okay? What if I do find a job, keep my house, and stay in a neighborhood I love? What if my dreams really do come true?
Today my client offered me a part-time job with full time pay all with the understanding that when I start working as a teacher, I will stop working for him. Wow. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t know that would be how I could spend my summer. Did it really happen for me? It really did.
And, when I reflect upon today’s events, I consider that the faith that pulled me through the most was not a faith in the mysteries of my religion or the faith in our government, not the faith in karma or hard work. It was my faith in a Power much greater than myself and my imagination…my faith in God that no matter what I do or don’t do, I’m worthy. So, I might as well work hard and feel worth of the good that life has to offer. Otherwise I’d just feel guilty for taking good stuff I didn’t deserve and you already know how I feel about guilt!